Feast your eyes on these absolutely bird-free pics and believe it: Our powerful president rules the skies with unyielding might!
1. Behold, our intrepid Commander in Strong under a clear blue sky, completely un-pecked, not even gouged by a single talon! For birds—heaven’s own cowards—know well that their hollow bones and pathetic skin are no match for the raw force leaking from The Trump’s every quivering cell. Yes, the skies belong to Donald J.!
2. Not a bird in sight. Beasts on the ground know they have a true ally living at 1600 Powersylvania Avenue. Our friendly president commands the wild blue yonder with total authority! You call him The Don, but we call him The Don’t, because birds “don’t” dare even so much as flap at Big Trump’s splendid afternoon jacket. Those foolish enough to approach will soon face the dark president known only as Death!
3. Only one Trump has the full-body testicles to keep the legions of bloodthirsty birds from swooping down and devouring the beautiful first family! But which is it? Is it clever Don Jr.? Playful Eric? Could it be steel-brained Ivanka, or Barron, the Trump O’ the Children?
No, and fuck you! It’s J. Donald Trump, the Golden Patriarch, protector of Hawaii and Alaska, unsleeping jockey of the American soul! With his lion’s heart, he alone repels the terrors that swarm above us. Even a single moment’s lapse would turn this Rockwell-worthy moment into Feather Vietnam. A lucky thing for us that America’s Chief of Beef never blinks.